The sickness has set in full force today and the cravings are so strong. I lay here and my brain keeps thinking up ways for me to go get heroin. Its not hard for me to get it. One phone call. One drive up the road. One drop of water, a small piece of cotton, my needle. Its like there is a weight in my chest and along with being sick and wanting relief, I can actually feel better, my attitude and perception can about my life and myself can change in push a plunger. I could feel better now. Its an overwhelming and dominant want. I am loosing to it. Although the fight isn't that strong in me anyway. I desperately want to feel better. This is so hard.
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